Whoosh

Eating more calories seemed to have helped. Dropped 3 more pounds. 31 pounds down!

Doctor is super proud and told me to keep doing what I’m doing. ūüôā /chuffed.

I’m eating more calories, but I’ve also dangerously upped my carb intake to between 30-50g on some days. Slowly weaning back on to them. I couldn’t be arsed with paleo/primal, mainly because I don’t crave fruit or tubers, but it’s good to know it’s an option if I get bored. So I’m just going to Keto and maybe go a bit crazier on my sauces, allow more tomato based foods when I fancy them, or indulge in low carb pita breads for pizzas. I’ve mainly just been eating loads of veggies without care.

I tried, for about 30 minutes, to cut back on cheese but no meal would come to me. So I made low-carb pita pizza. Opposite spectrums… I might try again after we do a grocery shop and have more options.

In the end, Keto or not, as long as I’m making the right choices, I’m happy. I can’t imagine eating a bowl of pasta, with a side of garlic bread, and cake to finish: I’d feel cheated out of nutrients – where’s my heaping serving of vegetables?! [Similar to my anger towards iceberg lettuce.]¬†I won’t be counting carbs or calories during the 2 week weddingmoon. I will, through habit and preference, avoid refined carbs in my food choices, but I’m okay with going off Keto for a bit. Exercise/cardio levels will increase by 1000% anyway.

 

In more somber news, my little sister was just admitted to the ICU for diabetic ketoacidosis. She’s 21 and been Type 1 since she was 4? 6? Young. Since her teenage years, she’s been living in this “I’m the victim” mentality and trying to get her to take care of herself has been next to impossible. She also had Graves’ disease and just stubbornly hates taking a pill everyday so… she doesn’t. *I* take 14 pills a day, everyday and I don’t even have to, but that’s where her “Victim” identity comes in.

Anyway. I’ve been so angry at her for the past month because she was doing better – taking her medication, testing her blood sugar, eating healthy, cutting back on diet pop – and then she got addicted to Black Ops. My mom and I have had to sit by and suffer (I’ve lost a lot of sleep thanks to her screaming obscenities at 12 year old boys), and worry about her health. She stays up for nearly days on end, with almost no sleep. She sliced the tip of her fucking finger off at work and still didn’t see the stress she was putting on her body. I don’t even want to talk about what she’s been eating and drinking…

Well, today it finally sent out an SOS. Her pump stopped working and we don’t know for how long, only that she didn’t fix it when she fucking said she did. Mom took her to the ER tonight while I was at work and they are slowly trying to stabilise her labs.

I’m so angry. Angry because she’s so fucking stupid and careless. Angry because I’m scared. Angry because I try to no avail. Angry because in the end, it’s up to her. I can only hope that this is one Giant Fucking Wake Up Call to her. Get out of the “I’m Invincible” mindset and start TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF before it’s too late. And no, it’s not just because you’re diabetic, or have Graves, and ‘boo hoo it’s so unfair on me’ — EVERY ONE needs to CARE about what shit they put in their body! I finally started caring. finally stopped binge drinking and eating unhealthfully. I do it because I’M HUMAN, not immortal, and everyone, disease or not, needs to be mindful of what they do to their bodies. Take action before it’s too late…

Ugh.

Bed time. I’m sure my stress levels aren’t helping with my stalled weight loss…

 

ForHealthxx

 

 

Forgive Me, Body, For I Have Sinned

It’s been five days since my last confession. And this one is a doozy.

It’s been a rough week. The closer I get to seeing my fianc√©, the harder it gets being away from him. You’d think I’d be mostly giddy that we only have just over 3 weeks to go, but instead I find myself getting depressed and frustrated.

I’m finishing up the last details for the wedding, stressing constantly about expenses. I went and got my dress fitted – [which cost $80! The dress cost $99, what the hell!] – and found out I lost another Inch. That’s 4 inches total, gone in 2 months. I should be happy! Instead I’m annoyed. I keep bouncing between the same 3 pounds. Been stalled around here for over two weeks and I’m going manic, just to add to wedding stress. I also got the smallest paycheck EVER yesterday and that depressed the shit out of me.

I’ve been realising that I need to force myself to get at least 1400 calories each day. I average maybe 1000 and have been like that for a month. I eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full. That’s it. And that’s good! Or least miles from where I’ve been before. But it’s been suggested that at least adding 3 “high” calorie days to my week could help my stall. I get my vitamins and nutrients, not a doubt. I hit my macros. I just need to eat more.

So that’s where it started. I abandoned my Fat Fast ideas because caloric intake is NEVER my problem, and nor is my fat intake. I’ll still sit and eat cream cheese (because I prefer to have more fat than protein each day), but I don’t need ONLY cream cheese. I realised that when I go out to eat at a restaurant, I eat more than I do when I eat at home. Going out to eat is newly appealing to me for this reason.

Friday. Friday is where it went all wrong. It started well enough: I went to hang out with a good friend. I ate a tiny bit, but kept my carbs super low because I knew I was going to drink. I got there and had half a bottle of wine. His boyfriend brought us Subway and I hoovered my spinach salad (so good!) and that was it. Having a good time, feeling proud of my control, until — I had one (strong) hit of weed. That’s all I had because I do it so incredibly rarely (a few times a year) that I didn’t want to lose control.

Welp. I did. Self-control blown straight out the window. It started with an innocent handful of sweet & salty kettle chips. Then another. Then I ate half a bag of white cheddar popcorn. Because I get high so rarely, I never learned how to control the fucking munchies.

Not so bad right? I mean, all in all, I could at least use the calories and it was probably less carbs than I ate at my bridal shower a week ago…

Yeah. Then I drove home and saw Taco Bell. “I need the calories,” I thought. Crunchwrap, soft taco, chips and cheese. BUT DON’T WORRY – I made sure I ordered Diet Pepsi! It was delicious, but I have been wracked with guilt for 24 hours now. I felt like hell waking up. I’ve been bloated all day. I’m just the biggest Saddo ever!! I’ve been irritable and anxious and I know some of that is psychological. I gained 2 pounds – guess that’s my standard gain the first day after carbs.

I’ve eaten very well today but still came in low on calories (1000). I’m already at 23g of carbs for the day and I just had my big dinner so I don’t think I’ll be able to choke down any more food tonight. I’m going out to eat tomorrow with my friend (who’s trying to eat healthier as well, yay) so I hope I can hit 1400.

I have my next doctors appointment on Thursday. If I can lose 4 pounds by then I’ll be okay. I need to talk to her about my Period That Never Ends. I plan on researching about Paleo Primal¬†this week. If doctor doesn’t have any fixes or suggestions for it, then I’m going to switch over to Paleo (or Primal which is paleo with cheese). I heard a lot of girls do it to avoid exactly what I’m dealing with. I love Keto and I will happily go back to it after the honeymoon, but I have ABSOLUTELY GOT to sort this bullshit out for at least those 2 weeks. Plus, I already plan on eating some carbs and kind of relaxing on the diet for the honeymoon. We’ll be active enough anyway…

I feel like I need to remind myself of the GOOD things I’ve accomplished. Yesterday, before the CARBOCIDE, I took a photo and was relatively amazed at the lighting – my face looks so svelte:

Difference?

So I was/am feeling good about that picture. But I know it’s smoke and mirrors, but when I put it next to a face shot from April I think, maybe it IS noticeable..

I have lost 28 pounds. That’s good. I’m stuck but I’m NOT 28 pounds heavier, and I’m not gaining.

I lost 4 inches. Although I do think I put an inch back on last night.

I crave healthy food (when I’m not under the influence of anything). I actually find it difficult to think of ‘carb’ meals I want to make at home, simply because I don’t crave them.

When I research Paleo/Primal I’m going to have to be very specific with my meal plan. If I start on August 18th, then 2 weeks to get into the groove and be strict, then 2 weeks to do whatever I like.

Right. I’m still so angry at myself. I’m angry at everything. It’s just been a bad day and I need to just go to bed and start over again tomorrow. I felt SO GOOD on Thursday and in two days, lost all that pride I had in myself… Sigh.

ForHealthxx

Cheating

Well, it happened. I had an unplanned cheat. I went to my Uncle’s 60th, I took the toppings off the pizza crust and piled my plate with salad. But then the wine… oh, the wine, oh the calories. OH THE HANGOVER. I never felt so terrible as I did waking up on Saturday. I knew I was a bit drunk, but I’ve been worse, so I was not expecting the Hangover from Hell. I even had to leave work early. But by the evening, I was better. I still ate Keto despite my carbic oversight the night before. And most importantly, I Did Not Beat Myself Up About It.

Sunday I had my awesome British Tea Party themed Bridal Shower, thrown by my bestest, awesomest friend Lindsey. Seriously, she NEEDS to be a party planner. Everyone raved about how fun and clever it was. She is an absolute star! I had a phenomenal day.

Crazy Hats

Crazy Hats: Aunt, Mom, Me, Aunt, Aunt

 

My old boss, who is DARLING, drove all the way to Detroit to a Scottish bakery to buy cakes: she didn’t know I was low-carbing, bless her. Not to mention it was a tea party which meant biscuits and scones. So for my special day, I ate carbs! Lots.
I did make some awesome Keto Cheesecake Cupcakes

I did make some awesome Keto Cheesecake Cupcakes

So did my mom. We were so sleep by the time we got home, we went for naps. I woke up STARVING. Absolutely STARVING which is so rare for me. My mom got us McDonalds to end our Cheat Day. I didn’t count calories all weekend. I felt bloated and sleepy. I didn’t exercise.

I woke up this morning fully expecting the backlash on the scale. I was prepared and OKAY with it. It’s not that I want to be gaining weight or become ‘okay’ with cheat days, I just want to give myself a break every now and then. Plus the wins and losses, the ups and downs, are what the journey is about. It’s about being okay with making mistakes or slipping up for a day or a week, and then Getting Right Back On It. Having the strength to not say, “Well, I’ve already fucked up this weekend, might as well just give up” is important to my mindset; because that’s what I would say back in the day.

Anyway, the scale? 2 Pounds. I “gained” two pounds. (I don’t start calling it a gain until it’s 5 pounds, 2+ days in a row). So colour me Amazed. It’s nice to know for September, when/if I decide to go crazy when Matthew’s here, which I probably will. But as long as I stay down until my Wedding, what happens a week after that I won’t stress about.

To jump back into Ketosis, I’ve decided on a Cream Cheese Fat Fast. Weirdly enough, cream cheese has been the most delicious and easiest thing for me to eat these past few weeks. So either 8oz a day, or a little less if I want to throw in some bacon or a Fat Bomb. I will try to keep my calories below 1000 but I plan on being more strict about the 90% Fat ratio, which I wasn’t strict about last time. I might do 2 or 3 days, haven’t decided.

I’m most excited to having energy again. I’m heading out to do some Fasted Cardio for the first time in almost a week! Then I’ll go back later tonight for some weights. I’ve done a complete 180 from earlier this month: I used to HATE cardio, and obsess over weights. In the past few weeks, I’ve focused on cardio, and slacked on weights. Bah! Stupid self.

“I may not be there yet,

but I’m closer than I was yesterday.”

 

In wedding news, ONE MONTH until I get to be with Matt again. We’ll have been apart for seven months. And it will be the longest we ever have to go again without being together. I will have to say goodbye one more time, but it won’t be for long.

I sent out the invites, had my bridal shower, got hotels sorted, most important DisneyMoon stuff organised, dress going in for alterations… It’s just bits and bobs now towards the end. Although I do need to make a new list: one that points out the Little Stuff I keep forgetting to remember…

 

Right. I’m off. I shall report back with how the Fat Fast went. Hopefully smoother than last time…… Hah. GOOD LUCK to you as well! Speak soon.

 

ForHealthxx

The Carb-Up

For various reasons, I decided to have a carb meal. As I’ve written before my weight loss has slowed down and I just wanted to play with different stall-burst ideas.

Now, if you don’t care to receive too much information involving the female body, I urge you to cease reading this paragraph: Basically, since I started Keto just over one month ago, my shark week has turned into shark month. And this is after 4 years of virtually no periods (thanks to my birth control). I’ve been reading obsessively on /r/xxketo and many girls report the same problems, because quite obviously, we are messing with our hormones. Not limited to reduced insulin, we are also burning fat stores constantly in Ketosis (it’s our fuel!) and fat stores oestrogen. Thus, the burning releases extra oestrogen into the body.

Anyway. So I’ve been stressed with money, my family is crazy, the wedding/honeymoon, so I broke down and grabbed a McDonalds. It was only after very careful calculation (on their meal builder website) to find the best option – I still wanted high calories, lots of protein and fat as I don’t have a sweet tooth. So I got a Daily Double meal and ate 74g in one sitting. It was delicious. My stomach was okay. I did feel warmer – almost as if I could feel my stomach digesting it? Could be in my head. I got hungry. I ate that at 3:00pm; I can usually go hours and hours without food, but got hungry rather quickly and that annoyed me. I’ve had a dull headache since about 5pm yesterday.

Finished work at 10pm and still hadn’t had any adverse reactions, other than hunger. Still tested positive for ketones in urine, but I know that’s not always the most accurate reading at this stage so I didn’t think anything of it. I went to the gym hungry, attempting some form of Fasted Cardio for the day. Spent an hour doing the treadmill, elliptical, and stationary bike. I was feeling okay, but not experiencing the awesome energy levels Fasted Cardio did for me before.¬†

As soon as I stopped and got home, I crashed. I felt ill. My hunger was so bad it made me sick to my stomach. I got a protein shake in me quickly and ended my day at 90g of net carbs. I went to bed feeling like crap.

I woke up feeling like crap. My body feels stressed (had to take a muscle relaxer first thing this morning). I still have a dull headache.

Still tested positive for urine ketones, but my blood ketones were untraceable so that answers that question:

I’ve successfully kicked myself out of Ketosis.¬†

Two days ago I was reading at least 1.0 for blood ketones. (0.8 and below means your body is running on sugar/carbs). This morning, I lost half a pound (which I never count but am only noting due to the nature of yesterday). I ate¬†1,190 calories, which is pretty standard. I’ve actually cut my daily goal down to 1,250. It’s low but I ¬†only ever manage that many anyway so it doesn’t phase me.¬†

So back on to Keto after that “carb up’! I hope the jolt to my system will kick me back into high gear – sometimes keeping your body guessing is what helps the weight loss. If not, then oh well, I tired. And as always, KEEP UP THE BLOODY CARDIO & WEIGHTS. The all-caps yelling is at myself.¬†

 

ForHealthxx