Forgive Me, Body, For I Have Sinned

It’s been five days since my last confession. And this one is a doozy.

It’s been a rough week. The closer I get to seeing my fiancé, the harder it gets being away from him. You’d think I’d be mostly giddy that we only have just over 3 weeks to go, but instead I find myself getting depressed and frustrated.

I’m finishing up the last details for the wedding, stressing constantly about expenses. I went and got my dress fitted – [which cost $80! The dress cost $99, what the hell!] – and found out I lost another Inch. That’s 4 inches total, gone in 2 months. I should be happy! Instead I’m annoyed. I keep bouncing between the same 3 pounds. Been stalled around here for over two weeks and I’m going manic, just to add to wedding stress. I also got the smallest paycheck EVER yesterday and that depressed the shit out of me.

I’ve been realising that I need to force myself to get at least 1400 calories each day. I average maybe 1000 and have been like that for a month. I eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full. That’s it. And that’s good! Or least miles from where I’ve been before. But it’s been suggested that at least adding 3 “high” calorie days to my week could help my stall. I get my vitamins and nutrients, not a doubt. I hit my macros. I just need to eat more.

So that’s where it started. I abandoned my Fat Fast ideas because caloric intake is NEVER my problem, and nor is my fat intake. I’ll still sit and eat cream cheese (because I prefer to have more fat than protein each day), but I don’t need ONLY cream cheese. I realised that when I go out to eat at a restaurant, I eat more than I do when I eat at home. Going out to eat is newly appealing to me for this reason.

Friday. Friday is where it went all wrong. It started well enough: I went to hang out with a good friend. I ate a tiny bit, but kept my carbs super low because I knew I was going to drink. I got there and had half a bottle of wine. His boyfriend brought us Subway and I hoovered my spinach salad (so good!) and that was it. Having a good time, feeling proud of my control, until — I had one (strong) hit of weed. That’s all I had because I do it so incredibly rarely (a few times a year) that I didn’t want to lose control.

Welp. I did. Self-control blown straight out the window. It started with an innocent handful of sweet & salty kettle chips. Then another. Then I ate half a bag of white cheddar popcorn. Because I get high so rarely, I never learned how to control the fucking munchies.

Not so bad right? I mean, all in all, I could at least use the calories and it was probably less carbs than I ate at my bridal shower a week ago…

Yeah. Then I drove home and saw Taco Bell. “I need the calories,” I thought. Crunchwrap, soft taco, chips and cheese. BUT DON’T WORRY – I made sure I ordered Diet Pepsi! It was delicious, but I have been wracked with guilt for 24 hours now. I felt like hell waking up. I’ve been bloated all day. I’m just the biggest Saddo ever!! I’ve been irritable and anxious and I know some of that is psychological. I gained 2 pounds – guess that’s my standard gain the first day after carbs.

I’ve eaten very well today but still came in low on calories (1000). I’m already at 23g of carbs for the day and I just had my big dinner so I don’t think I’ll be able to choke down any more food tonight. I’m going out to eat tomorrow with my friend (who’s trying to eat healthier as well, yay) so I hope I can hit 1400.

I have my next doctors appointment on Thursday. If I can lose 4 pounds by then I’ll be okay. I need to talk to her about my Period That Never Ends. I plan on researching about Paleo Primal this week. If doctor doesn’t have any fixes or suggestions for it, then I’m going to switch over to Paleo (or Primal which is paleo with cheese). I heard a lot of girls do it to avoid exactly what I’m dealing with. I love Keto and I will happily go back to it after the honeymoon, but I have ABSOLUTELY GOT to sort this bullshit out for at least those 2 weeks. Plus, I already plan on eating some carbs and kind of relaxing on the diet for the honeymoon. We’ll be active enough anyway…

I feel like I need to remind myself of the GOOD things I’ve accomplished. Yesterday, before the CARBOCIDE, I took a photo and was relatively amazed at the lighting – my face looks so svelte:


So I was/am feeling good about that picture. But I know it’s smoke and mirrors, but when I put it next to a face shot from April I think, maybe it IS noticeable..

I have lost 28 pounds. That’s good. I’m stuck but I’m NOT 28 pounds heavier, and I’m not gaining.

I lost 4 inches. Although I do think I put an inch back on last night.

I crave healthy food (when I’m not under the influence of anything). I actually find it difficult to think of ‘carb’ meals I want to make at home, simply because I don’t crave them.

When I research Paleo/Primal I’m going to have to be very specific with my meal plan. If I start on August 18th, then 2 weeks to get into the groove and be strict, then 2 weeks to do whatever I like.

Right. I’m still so angry at myself. I’m angry at everything. It’s just been a bad day and I need to just go to bed and start over again tomorrow. I felt SO GOOD on Thursday and in two days, lost all that pride I had in myself… Sigh.




Well, it happened. I had an unplanned cheat. I went to my Uncle’s 60th, I took the toppings off the pizza crust and piled my plate with salad. But then the wine… oh, the wine, oh the calories. OH THE HANGOVER. I never felt so terrible as I did waking up on Saturday. I knew I was a bit drunk, but I’ve been worse, so I was not expecting the Hangover from Hell. I even had to leave work early. But by the evening, I was better. I still ate Keto despite my carbic oversight the night before. And most importantly, I Did Not Beat Myself Up About It.

Sunday I had my awesome British Tea Party themed Bridal Shower, thrown by my bestest, awesomest friend Lindsey. Seriously, she NEEDS to be a party planner. Everyone raved about how fun and clever it was. She is an absolute star! I had a phenomenal day.

Crazy Hats

Crazy Hats: Aunt, Mom, Me, Aunt, Aunt


My old boss, who is DARLING, drove all the way to Detroit to a Scottish bakery to buy cakes: she didn’t know I was low-carbing, bless her. Not to mention it was a tea party which meant biscuits and scones. So for my special day, I ate carbs! Lots.
I did make some awesome Keto Cheesecake Cupcakes

I did make some awesome Keto Cheesecake Cupcakes

So did my mom. We were so sleep by the time we got home, we went for naps. I woke up STARVING. Absolutely STARVING which is so rare for me. My mom got us McDonalds to end our Cheat Day. I didn’t count calories all weekend. I felt bloated and sleepy. I didn’t exercise.

I woke up this morning fully expecting the backlash on the scale. I was prepared and OKAY with it. It’s not that I want to be gaining weight or become ‘okay’ with cheat days, I just want to give myself a break every now and then. Plus the wins and losses, the ups and downs, are what the journey is about. It’s about being okay with making mistakes or slipping up for a day or a week, and then Getting Right Back On It. Having the strength to not say, “Well, I’ve already fucked up this weekend, might as well just give up” is important to my mindset; because that’s what I would say back in the day.

Anyway, the scale? 2 Pounds. I “gained” two pounds. (I don’t start calling it a gain until it’s 5 pounds, 2+ days in a row). So colour me Amazed. It’s nice to know for September, when/if I decide to go crazy when Matthew’s here, which I probably will. But as long as I stay down until my Wedding, what happens a week after that I won’t stress about.

To jump back into Ketosis, I’ve decided on a Cream Cheese Fat Fast. Weirdly enough, cream cheese has been the most delicious and easiest thing for me to eat these past few weeks. So either 8oz a day, or a little less if I want to throw in some bacon or a Fat Bomb. I will try to keep my calories below 1000 but I plan on being more strict about the 90% Fat ratio, which I wasn’t strict about last time. I might do 2 or 3 days, haven’t decided.

I’m most excited to having energy again. I’m heading out to do some Fasted Cardio for the first time in almost a week! Then I’ll go back later tonight for some weights. I’ve done a complete 180 from earlier this month: I used to HATE cardio, and obsess over weights. In the past few weeks, I’ve focused on cardio, and slacked on weights. Bah! Stupid self.

“I may not be there yet,

but I’m closer than I was yesterday.”


In wedding news, ONE MONTH until I get to be with Matt again. We’ll have been apart for seven months. And it will be the longest we ever have to go again without being together. I will have to say goodbye one more time, but it won’t be for long.

I sent out the invites, had my bridal shower, got hotels sorted, most important DisneyMoon stuff organised, dress going in for alterations… It’s just bits and bobs now towards the end. Although I do need to make a new list: one that points out the Little Stuff I keep forgetting to remember…


Right. I’m off. I shall report back with how the Fat Fast went. Hopefully smoother than last time…… Hah. GOOD LUCK to you as well! Speak soon.



Fasted Cardio

Had my first Fasted Cardio experience and I am exhilarated. Went to the gym around 11:45 am so I had fasted for about 12 hours.

Actually, I forgot when I woke up at 9 and ate a Babybel (70 cals). I’m such a breakfast person. But then only had water and coffee. I took my sublingual B12 as well.

My goal was to maintain a heart-rate between 137-165 on the treadmill. Fat-burning area, but still only moderate. When doing FC, you don’t necessarily want to do high intensity. Especially me, who used to have passing out episodes (over 5 years ago) so I’m still conditioned to always be weary of blood sugars n that.

I had the best cardio session of my summer! I went for 40 minutes, with a 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down. Honestly, I usually get bored after 20 minutes of cardio. Sure, I’m sweating, feeling good, but around 15 minutes I start looking over to the weights area or wondering what time it is. Very bad habit I need to break is cutting my cardio. So the fact that I did 50 minutes on the treadmill is awesome for me.

Did a usual warm up, no incline but moderate pace. After 5 minutes, I upped my incline and kept it at a 5 for 25 minutes. My heart rate for most that time was around 150. I’d vary my pace back and forth, but my heart rate went no lower than 140. Then my energy levels just went mental and as I came down to the last 15 minutes, I surged with a speed walk (I don’t jog… yet) on an 8 incline. [I love incline. Reminds me so much of walking through Edinburgh :(]. That took me right to my 5 minute cool down. In that time, I heart rate went up to 175 (endurance level) and I was fine with it. In fact, when I usually do cardio, my heart rate is mostly commonly between 165-180. I felt awesome. I could’ve kept going but didn’t want to push too hard, so I headed home ready for lunch!

According to the treadmill I burned 306 calories. So 236 (damn babybel) of fat stores, supposedly! I’m happy with that.

It felt good to eat 780 super healthy calories in one sitting without feeling ill. I mixed my protein shake (whey and casein) with almond milk. Grilled a burger patty, melted mozzarella on it, put it on a bed of spinach, topped with a whole avocado, and a bit of mayonnaise. Salt and pepper. Macros are currently near perfect (8C,68F,24P) with only 12 net carbs. The casein will probably keep me full through work.

Now I just need to keep my water intake going. Some days I forget and am left trying to drink far too many millilitres in too little time (which as we all know can be dangerous). I have my 700 mL bottle I refill as I go along and I know I should have at least 5 of them each day. I know my coffee and Sparkling Ice counts to water intake as well, but I never include them. I don’t want to get lazy with it. It’s ridiculous how important the RIGHT amount of water is key in health and losing weight. Even when you think you’re drinking enough — YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT.

On my last thought, Mumford & Sons is alarmingly AWESOME to workout to. And this song was the most empowering Cool Down song to ever come on:


Comfort Food

It’s too fucking hot. I am NOT a heat/humidity person. Scotland was perfect for me. On the very rare days we had sun and warmth (more often than not it was one without the other), I relished it. It was rare and beautiful and made everyone so happy. Whereas here in Michigan, it’s hot ALL THE FUCKING TIME. It is not unique. It is not beautiful. And people moan and complain, and if they’re like me, they’re miserable.

I’m excited to move to Liverpool, as it will be slightly warmer than Edinburgh on average, but still moderate. British weather is my ideal.

Here’s a photo album of a few Keto meals I’ve had these past few weeks. A perk of Keto is rediscovering the chef in me. A long time ago, I considered culinary school, I loved it that much. But moving away, becoming a student, cooking for one all contributed to laziness. Plus, Chef at work mostly cooked for me. Anyway, here’s a nice tour of some of the things this “diet” consists of:

Wait, did I just complain about heat and then make CHILLI for dinner? Isn’t that the ultimate winter comfort food? Ah well, it’s bloody good! Here’s a follow up to the last photo in that album: my finished Caveman Chilli Bowl!


Check Up

Back from my first doctors appointment since I started Keto. She was so excited for my weight loss. I told her it was mostly from my diet. She has heard of it and actually had only good things to say. Her complaint was against Atkins no veggies thing, so as soon as I told her I am addicted to vegetables, both leafy and green, she was chuffed. My blood pressure is beautiful. (A nice change from 5-6 years ago when my anxiety would throw me into hypertension in minutes).

We talked about my supplements. As I’ve mentioned I’m only taking a multi and magnesium citrate. She says to add B12 to that. She also said my potassium levels should be fine (I’m obsessively tracking them); I’ll only need to add a supplement if I start cramping up a lot. I got another month of Adipex. I might be giving most of it to Lindsey. I haven’t taken it in a few days and my appetite has stayed the same. I’ll take it again for a few days. If it starts my weight loss again, I may keep them for myself. But that’s not how Adipex works, so I highly doubt it’ll effect my weight loss any more so than Keto will. But I shall experiment, regardless.

Got some muscle relaxers as well for me poor out-of-alignment back 😦 Standing at work for hours kills me. I miss my old job where at least I got to run around. Hopefully with more strength training and weight loss I can fix my spine along the way. Just need to endure the pain until then.

I scheduled a Lipid Profile! Excited to get my cholesterol, LDL, HDL, and Triglycerides checked! I can add that to my “Progress” charts. Then, when the naysayers shout back with, ‘Oh yeah? How’s your cholesterol?!’ I can finally say with certainty: IT’S GORGEOUS. EAT THAT, LIPID HYPOTHESIS.

On a non-diet related note: I have my first ever brazilian wax scheduled for Friday afternoon. I suspect to spend rest of the day lying spread eagle and popping ibuprofen so as not to irritate my probably already-angry lady area. The last thing I wanted to do was leave my first waxing to just before the wedding. This way I can get in twice before and make sure it’s all lovely and smooth. Shaving is literally the bane of my existence. If this spa does an awesome job, I’ll definitely get a deep tissue; perhaps a facial; at least a mani and pedi! Damn I wish I had more money.

RIGHT. My diet is sorted for now. I’m going to keep calm and not freak out about staying the same weight for a week. I’m probably in Post-Induction Stall Syndrome (PISS): “Water and glycogen find a new balance and this causes a stall or even weight gain, which lasts for a week or two. Relax, PISS is both normal and temporary.” So, aye, as it says… Just RELAX, Janelle! Need to get my cardio ass into GEAR. Sat here complaining about a stall, when I haven’t been to the gym in 5 days. The nerve of me.

Just under 7 weeks. I wonder how much weight I can lose in that time? 20 in 4 so far… Maybe  30? That would get me at my Recorded Adult Lowest! I think that would make me the happiest Bride. Aside, of course, from Husband. But saying “Aye, ah dae” while at my lowest weight after so much hard work would just be phenomenal! And shit, just realised I need a swim suit for our honeymoon. How in the hell do I go about that? If I get it now, it might be too big by September? But if I wait til September, shops might not sell them anymore.

You hear that? That’s the sound of Panicking Bride. I swear, even with my small courthouse wedding, there’s still stress.

I have this top that I wore 2 and a half years ago. It’s a simple shirt but I loved how I looked in it. But maybe it’s because I was at my Current Recorded Lowest Adult Weight? Here’s a photo of that time, and me in that shirt. I don’t know what I was doing at this time to be so tiny (ha! Comparatively) other than dating and having lots of sex. But there it is. (PSA: Guy in photo is Best Gay, Lloyd, not sexual partner).

Lowest recent weight

Lowest Weight, NYE 2011-2012

Anyway, my point is – I have that shirt still. I haven’t tried to wear it in many months. Last time I did, I knew immediately to take it back off. It did not flatter the same. My goal is for it to flatter me again in September. If I don’t hit that goal, I’ll survive and keep trying. But it’s a little something to keep working towards for now.

I’m so chatty today. Off to work I go. As much as I hated not making my own money, I sorely miss being unemployed. Being a stay at home wife (NOT mom — childfree woman here) would be ideal. I could just write my fiction all day… Aaaaaand cue daydream.


A Bust

My Fat Fast was a bust. Saturday I did rather well. Sunday, I was doing great until about 8pm when my sister and I decided to go to the drive in (Despicable Me 2 & Monsters University! Both awesome). I didn’t want to be stuck with only cream cheese to snack on during the films, so I decided that instead of Fat Fasting, I was going to PIG. OUT. I read on /r/keto that sometimes upping your caloric intake for a few days will help a stall. And that’s what I did. In one sitting I ate TWO bratwurst patties smothered in melted cheese and hot sauce, with sour cream and ketchup to dip. The funny thing is, I guess it wasn’t even that much food. It was just two patties. Like eating two massive burgers at a cookout, not including all the salads and crisps, right? Yet I could barely move through all of Despicable Me 2. I overate for the first time in weeks! That was 1,155 calories in ONE SITTING! I still managed only 1,839 for the whole day. That’s used to be a below-average day. It’s amazing how things change. What an awesome experiment.

I woke up the next day feeling good. I ate a lot of calories, I had a great time at the drive in cinema, but most importantly, I was still in Ketosis! (Ate 29g of carbs on Sunday without working out). I stepped on the scale and had LOST a pound. Wow.

I was buzzing and decided to do my last Fat Fast day. I had half of my Bulletproof Coffee and a chunk of cream cheese. Brought a container of cream cheese to work with me. Yup, that’s right – I was going to do the Extreme Fat Fast. I felt great all day, as I usually do. I went on my work break and had cream cheese, but caved and ate a packet of tuna. Then mother asked me to buy groceries and that’s when I lost control.

OH MY GOD my curry sauces are fairly low carb?!?! Holyyy shit. I bought the korma (8g per 1/3 cup) and the tikka masala (6g per 1/3 cup). I have a curry obsession: Back in Scotland, my fattest nights were when I’d order a take away of chicken korma, basmati rice, garlic naan bread, and don’t forget my beef samosa starters, dipped in their creamy delicious mystery sauce. Food enough for two, probably even three, and I would force it all down my throat. Well, sometimes, I’d see reason and save half for breakfast. But most of the time I’d end up miserably full, hating myself. I couldn’t do that now. My stomach wouldn’t allow. I barely eat over an actual servings size worth these days.

Wow, that was a digression. Point is – when I got home, I was starving and far too excited about my curry. I cooked up a cup of diced chicken, poured 1/3 cup of tikka sauce down over it, let it simmer for 10 minutes and I was whisked back to Scotland on the first bite. I love my curry. My stats were at about 84% fat when I left work, but after dinner I went a pretty decent 9%/63%/28%. So at the end of the day, a good Keto day. And I only had 16g of carbs.

When I’m Ketoing, I struggle to meet my protein quota. So (attempting) Fat Fasting was relatively easy until I started craving protein!? I guess my body is just getting used to the Keto Quotas.

I’m feeling crap having not been to the gym in like a week. I miss the days of unemployment when I could go to the gym WHENEVER I WANTED. Now, despite it being 24/7, I have to account for sleep because I have to function at work. It’s infuriating. I’m mostly mad at myself. I need to AT LEAST get my ass there to do cardio. I bet my weightloss would kick in again. Damn myself!

I have 50 days until my fiancé flies in and 53 days until our wedding. Also, today is his 32nd birthday! I’m glad this the last birthday we’ll have to spend apart. Look at him: He’s actually gorgeous. With his sexy Liverpudlian accent. I want to be the sexiest woman for him.


Anyway. Off to the doctors! I hope she’s proud 🙂


Measurements and Fat Fast

So, I meant to take my measurements once a month, but my scale hasn’t changed much in five days so I needed some inspiration. It’s been 3 weeks since I took my first measurements, unfortunately didn’t get any starting measurements! Grr.

But here’s how it’s looking:

  • Arms: Gained half an inch, but it’s all muscle now so I’m okay with that!
  • Bust: My under bust is down 1 inch. My boobs (SADFACE) are down THREE inches. Ugh. Not fair.
  • Waist: 3 inches gone!
  • Hips: 3 inches gone!
  • Thighs: 1.5 inches gone, but also much more muscular!

Basically, in three weeks, I’ve lost 3 inches around. Sadly, some from my boobs. I am glad to just see overall loss.

I have been slacking at the gym much more since I started Keto. I need to up my cardio. I have no problem lifting weights – I love it – but cardio bores me!  I have discovered that reading my Kindle while on the stationary bike is more exciting. I should at least get my ass up there for an hour each night.

As I mentioned, it’s been 5 days and I have stayed at the same weight, hovering within the pound. Still chuffed with my overall 20 pounds loss in three weeks, but surely this is too early to plateau? A lot of the girls on /r/xxketo suggest a carb meal once a week. Not a carb DAY, just a meal. I need to do this and also gauge my carb sensitivity. Once the wedding/honeymoon hits, I want to see how my body will react to splurging. Not even for the food, just for the wine and champagne.

This brings me to my Fat Fast. Yesterday was Day 1 of 3. In the end my macros were okay: 83% Fat, 15% Protein, 2% Carbs. I messed up on the protein bit because it didn’t even occur to me my cubed cheese would have so much protein, so that morning I added half a scoop of protein powder to my Bulletproof Coffee. Anyway, I still did alright.

I’m more worried about today, because I was lazy this morning and my sister had made cream cheese pancakes. So I went for it. But the peanut butter and eggs added lots of protein, and I’m higher on my carbs than I should be (already at 13g! shit). I’m at 77% Fat  13% Protein 9% Carbs right now.  I’m heading to the drive in theatre tonight so I’m going to bring cream cheese to snack on. In fact, maybe fasting with cream cheese for the rest of the day will do it. If I eat 5oz of cream cheese (500 calories) for the rest of the day I’ll get 82% Fat. Here I go!

I also suspect I’m STILL not drinking enough water. I remind myself every morning to drink FOUR of my 34oz bottles of water. I’m thinking I only make it to about 3. I need to keep better track. I also wonder what the difference is in days where I’m guzzling water and pissing every 20 minutes; and days where I’m guzzling, but retaining it all? It could be the creatine in our new protein powder but I’ve only had it twice since we got it. I’ll start but just drowning myself in water these next two days. I can feel my body holding on to the water. So annoying.

I love to do research on things. I researched the hell out of the Fat Fast before starting. Yesterday, I began with a Bulletproof Coffee + Protein Powder then a few hours later went to work. I was feeling fabulous until an hour before my work break. Nausea overcame me. I was trying to work, but started moving slowly, unsure if I was going to puke. Then I remembered my research: ELECTROLYTES. Stupid, stupid me. I didn’t take my vitamins that morning: Every morning I take a multivitamin and magnesium citrate (for now – I do plan on adding to my supplements) and I track my sodium and potassium militantly. Except for yesterday, when I even knew it mattered most. I’m such an eejit. I was eating cubed cheese, trying to pass the time until my cookies were done baking so I could do on break. I ran to the sports drink isle and snagged a GNC electrolyte bevvy. Within 10 minutes of sipping on it, I could feel myself getting better. So it wasn’t the food/calories, it was definitely my elecs. I went on break, bought a jar of sandwich pickles (more sodium!) and went to town eating salami, pickles, and cheese, drinking my sports bev. What the people at work must think of me….

Speaking of – I’m obsessed with pickles. 0 calories. 0 carbs. 0 everything except sodium! I do love the chicken broth for a warm beverage to fill my belly when I need the salt, but pickles give me more the oral fixation when I need it. I honestly never eat out of boredom anymore, but eating pickles does add to the satiation.

My moral is: DO NOT underestimate your need for electrolytes when you’re in Ketosis – and ESPECIALLY when you’re Fat Fasting! If you ever feel nauseated, have some chicken broth. Sodium IS YOUR FRIEND. Abandon all your 1980/90s science!

Okay, wish me luck on my cream cheese diet today. Tomorrow I’ll not be lazy to ensure variety. Doctor’s on Tuesday! Can’t wait to share my inches loss with her.


3.5 Weeks

Nearly a month into Keto and I’m down 19 pounds. The past few days haven’t seen much scale change. But I’m trying not to concern myself with that: I plan on doing a Fat Fast from Saturday-Monday and hopefully reset my system again.

I have been in Ketosis. I consistently check my Ketones especially if I’ve had to consume a few more carbs than usual, like last night. I tend to do that on days I don’t plan for the gym, but end up going. When I do plan, I keep in mind the protein powder (because my mother “had a coupon” and didn’t get the kind I asked. But this kind has whey and casein, so I can forgive the 7 carbs).

So on to Non-Scale Victories:

1. My arms are getting definition. Like… two months ago, I held my arms up, no muscle, and FLAB. Just flab. It was sad, because I used to have decent arm strength back in the day. They called me Strong-Bad because I was the one who could always jars and unscrew pop bottles (that I screwed on too tight). But now I can FEEL my muscles. I can FLEX them. And that flab? Still there, but amazingly less so. I know I have much more fat to burn, but it’s so refreshing seeing the changes.

2. Before I moved back to US, I always wore this pair of comfy, short black shorts to work (with leggings or tights underneath). About two, maybe three, months ago, I went to put them on and I could not button them without the muffiniest top ever spilling over, never mind not being able to breathe. I think that was one of my wake up calls. I have two pairs of the same brand of shorts in different colours that were always tighter, because they are MUCH less worn in than the black ones. And I thought, what a waste! It’s summer and I can’t wear the only shorts I own, not even my worn in ones! Yesterday, I was dressing for my Bridal Shopping appointment and wanted bare legs (I basically LIVE in leggings) and minimal clothes since I’ll be changing. I thought, “Well… let’s try the black work shorts.” FIT. BEAUTIFULLY. I was ecstatic. Even without tights or leggings, I still looked… slim! (Well, slimmer). My legs didn’t look too horrendous. I wasn’t muffin topping AT ALL. Positively chuffed.

3. The rate at which I feel satiated is fantastic. My appetite has shrunk – and not to unhealthy levels: to NORMAL proportions. The average meal serving is actually close to what the serving suggestion is. I never thought I’d see the day… I find myself struggling to finish meals some days, because my Fat Brain fills a plate, but my Keto Brain tells me when I’m honestly full. I average around 1,000 calories a day which is low, but I’m not going to force myself to eat when I’m honestly not hungry. I also ensure I take my vitamins every day (currently just a Boots multi-vitamin and magnesium citrate), keeping obsessive track.

4. I don’t crave carbs. Like, at all. I work in a bakery; I am constantly offered free donuts, cookies, bread… And I always say ‘no, thank you’. I deal with raw cookie dough; at my old job, I used to chow down on the white chocolate macadamia nut cookie dough. Between that and donuts, I’m amazed I don’t ever cheat. When I crave pizza, I’m excited to try a new version of low carb crust. When I crave pancakes, I dove into almond flour pancakes. I get excited about my new low carb versions because I know that if I eat carb-heavy food, I will get ill and it will make me fat. Such a good mindset! It’s refreshing to be on a ‘diet’ where I do not feel like I’m missing out.

I’m going to take my measurements tonight, but again on Monday night (after my Fat Fast, night before my doctor appointment). Just to see between weight and inches what a three day fast can actually do. Then hopefully I’ll have some awesome results to report to Dr Klock 🙂

I’d really like to get a lipid panel, so I’ll ask Doc if we can organise that. Problem is I only have until September until my medical insurance runs out 😦 Crap. I am still undecided if I go one more month with Adipex? I might as well while I can get it, and I could use the extra help before the wedding.

Oh, I bought a dress! Very flattering, super comfortable, totally non-traditional (it’s actually a bridesmaid dress). I had them get it in my current size, because they can take in up to two sizes so I’ll just hope that that’s all I need by then. WEird thing to hope! But I’m being realistic. I think the most alterations they’ll have to do is form-fitting it. Taking it in to accentuate my waist. Hoping I can lose a few more inches off my ruddy hips though! I’ll keep my eye on that progress. I guess my First Progress Goal will be for the last week of August, when the dress comes in! That will be when they make the final alterations.

I’m still unsure what to do, diet-wise for my two weeks with my husband. I want champagne, but I don’t need it… I’m not worried about food – I will happily eat low carb. But drinking… I love wine! Can I handle two weeks of only diet & whisky, as much as I like it? No margaritas in sunny Florida? Hmm… Quite the decision to make… I know people occasionally have ‘cheat’ weeks for events like this, but I’m more worried how my body will react to the extra carbs. Nothing more of a mood killer than unpredictable bowels.

On that TMI note, I must go. I hope to share some of my meal photos from the past week next time. I’ve become quite the experimental chef!

Best of luck


And So It Begins! Er… Again.

I’ve done Keto before. Back in January 2012, my pal Lloyd and I (both Redditors) decided to give this a try. I had found out about it on Reddit and researched and researched for weeks before I dove in. I told Lloyd about it and he was keen to join me. We had so much fun discussing meals, going out to eat together, shopping together, and encouraging each other to get out and move. Well, he encouraged my lazy ass to get out and move… You see, Edinburgh is SUPER hilly. Walking gets exhausting quickly – That’s Fat Me talking.

We both had awesome success. He didn’t have much to lose, he’s already naturally fit. My fat melted off. I looked FABULOUS by the time I went to Madrid. But then I went to Madrid. I tried to still do low-carb, but I wanted to enjoy myself. I drank sugary alcohol, I ate paella. When I came back, I was poor and had a dissertation to focus on. So I just fell off. Other things became more important and I couldn’t turn down free food at work. So the excuses went… By June 2012, I was HEAVY. I don’t know how much, all I know is I had gone through stress, depression, and made it out alive to graduate. My sister visited and I probably consumed about 4,000 calories a day. I may be exaggerating but we ate like Queens on her first tour of Edinburgh and our weekend trip to Dublin.

From there, I just stopped caring. I was maintaining a higher-than-usual weight for my Edinburgh self. I tried a few things here and there but never stuck. I met my now-fiancé in November and all I cared about was him. I was aware I was heavier than I usually am when we met, but that weirdly comforted me: He’s gorgeous and responsible and kind and funny – but he picked me, even at such a heavy weight. So I let myself be happy.


As you read in the first post, by the middle of June 2013 I had been hitting the gym regularly (for the first time ever) and I was on Adipex, but nothing was moving. All of May and now half of June, and I’d lost 3 pounds? I love Keto. I know it works. I feel amazing on it. Why am I just NOT DOING IT? Especially now since I don’t need to buy my own food!

June 17th, I started lowering my carbs, as I toyed with the commitment. Then something weird happened. After only 2 days of low-carb, calorie counting, I had to eat pizza. Well, I was ‘cousin-sitting’ and I had/have no money of my own, and we were left with a coupon for free pizza. So I ate it. It was a bad night. I ate half a small pizza, lots of veggies… okay, that’s not bad, right? But then I really did it. I ate AN ENTIRE BOX of breadsticks. Fuck me, they were good. And I couldn’t stop. All it took was 2.5 days, and my carb craving overcame me.

I once read, “One bad meal won’t make you fat, just like one healthy meal won’t make you skinny”. I beat myself up mentally that night, but let it go. The next day, June 20th, I dove back in to Keto. Bulletproof coffee. Meatballs. ENERGY. Feeling awesome. By 6:00 I was making us a salmon and asparagus dinner when it hit me. Nausea. Stomach churning. Dizzy. Can’t stand… What the hell! Ran to toilet. Couldn’t tell which end it wanted to escape. Nothing happen for an hour, other than extreme nausea. I made myself vomit and up lunch from 6 hours earlier came. Okay… Lie down… Wow. That was terrible. By 9:00, I was up again apologising to my cousin, feeling a bit human.

I Ketoed on, despite my weird nausea. For three days, I had diarrhoea. I can’t remember EVER having that for more than a day. Other than that issue, I could continue on with life. My macros were near-perfect: 5% carbs, 60% fat, 35% protein is my daily goal. I did and still do struggle with eating enough protein weirdly enough. By the 24th of June, I was easily averaging <30g a day and proud.

That week my little sister joined me in the diet. Two days later, my mom did, with the help of her long-time low-carb best friend. And that’s been us. Having my mom and sister on board (who I live with) has definitely made all the difference. We overhauled our cupboards. Gave everything we can eat away to my older sister – she had to make 2 trips, but she has a happy pantry full of long shelf life foods now. My mom asked me to take her Keto Basics Shopping and we stocked up on the usuals (cream cheese, whipping cream, cheese, meats, mayo). I had her watch Fat Head to help her shake lose the 1980s science of Low Fat Myths. It’s been wonderful.

I think my first week as Keto Flu. I don’t recall having that the first time I did Keto. It’s possible my body has an easier time jumping in to Ketosis, so once I committed carbocide my body freaked out. I now have it in my head that that’s what carbs do to my body, so I am very careful to avoid them this time around.

It’s only been three full weeks for me, but I feel like everything has happened. I saw my doctor on the 20th of June and had only lost THREE POUNDS when I saw her in beginning of May. That was pathetic effort. But it’s been three weeks, and I am Officially Down TWENTY POUNDS. I do go a few days at the same weight, (I know, I still weigh myself every day – bad Nell) but I don’t freak out if I’m not losing. I just Keep Calm, and Keto On as they say.

This is where I am at now, in my life. I hope to update my success frequently as I go along. Discuss my low-carb experiences, track not only my weight loss but my measurements and health as well. Next doctor appointment is a week from today! I hope she can see me 25 pounds lighter.

Stay tuned this weekend for a possible 3 day Fat Fast Diary! I will be checking my measurements this week as well, see if anything has happened in a few weeks.





The Beginning (Again)

2013 has been a ‘back to the beginning’ year. In late 2012, I met a Liverpudlian, my now-fiancé. A couple months later, I had to leave the United Kingdom after 4 years, and move Back to the Bricks. My hometown is the last place I wanted to end up, but alas here I am.

Not only did I have to leave behind the man of my dreams, but I had to abandon this whole new life I had created for myself – friends for life, a surrogate family, and the most beautiful city I’ve ever seen (Edinburgh). February 1st I touched down in Flint, Michigan, American’s most dangerous and miserable city (seriously, there are two lists – Flint is 1 on both).

It goes without saying I let myself attend a self-pity party and I didn’t leave. For quite a while. Plans were set forth to marry the love of my life and get me to Liverpool as soon as possible. But it was so far away at the time! I was unemployed. Living with my mom and on her money. It’s been a low point. I gained 20 pounds very quickly. Who was I? I’ve spent the past couple years at a prestigious university, travelling all over Europe, and now I’m back here? Is this seriously my life right now?

For a long time I said, “I’m joining the gym up the road”. For even longer I said, “I’m cutting my carbs again.” I bought running shoes, a sports bra. I ate meat and cheese. But then I’d drink two bottles of wine, cry because all my friends here have new lives and learned to live without me, and sleep all day. I even smoked again, here and there. All of my self-respect and self-control was back in Scotland. I became an inactive participant of my own life – watching it happen to me and doing very little to make it better.

In May, something snuck in. It rode in on the back of my usual Inspiration. I had a cycle: I’d change my diet. Get super excited about it. Set intense goals. See results for the first two weeks or so, and then I’d let the excuses roll in. I don’t even need to list them because I could talk myself out of anything. But in May, I found that hitchhiker.

It made me look at my cycle and find the problem. It illuminated it with perfect clarity. My goals! I always set these specific goals.

“In x days, I will lose x pounds.”

“In total, I need to lose x pounds.”

Pretty standard idea, setting goals. However, my language and mindset always focused on the Number. That number on the scale. In May, I went to the doctor for weight loss pills to give me a running start and control my emotional-eating. I stepped on the scale – of course I had to wear all my heaviest clothes! But I can’t use that excuse – and I was at my Recorded Adult Heaviest. Fuck. I was so unhappy with myself. I was 45 pounds HEAVIER than I was at my Recorded Adult Lowest. I’m getting married in September to a HOT PIECE OF ENGLISH ASS – is that the best I can be for him?

From that scale my mind raced for days. This was no longer about the number on that scale – although that was a rude awakening. This was about LIVING. I lost my grandma in March. My grandpa, now alone, ended up in the hospital as well. My aunt was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. My little sister lives with type 1 diabetes and grave’s disease. My mother has osteoporosis and rheumatoid arthritis. I smoked for 10 years! For the first time I realised I was no longer living and surviving just for myself: I have to – I want to live for my partner as well. I will be the healthiest I can be. If I can control it, I MUST because I want the rest of our lives to go on forever. We’re suffering being apart enough this year to last us a lifetime.

It took the whole of May for me to understand and accept the hitchhiker. I started the month with Adipex and anxiety and ended with a new outlook and a gym membership. Lifting weights at the gym showed me how phenomenal it was to feel stronger. I started slow but did whatever I wanted. I immediately felt better about myself. I gave half of my month prescription to my best friend who needed immediate results. But a month later and the scale had only budged 5 pounds. I felt happier, but I was still so frustrated! I was back at doc’s a month later, in excruciating pain. (Turns out my spine is completely out of alignment. Oh.). She told me to focus on measurements. To keep building my strength.

I left with more Adipex and my hitchhiker became my fairy godmother.

For the first time in months, I was building muscle again. For the first time, I no longer stressed about the scale. I can SEE muscles again! Beneath the fat, but they’re there!! Will I lose 30 pounds by my Wedding on September 6th? Who cares! If I can keep on jogging (girl still don’t run) down the path to a healthier STRONGER me then I’ll be okay. I get it now. It’s not about Time Limits. As soon as I set an (almost always) unrealistic Time Goal, I get discouraged a few weeks later realising I won’t hit it.

Do I need to lose around 100 pounds? Yes. But I want to take my time getting there. I should rephrase that — I’m not going to purposefully go slowly, but with my specific diet and evolving exercise regime, I will accept however fast and slow the results decide to occur. Will I find ways to break plateaus? Of course. I will continue to be ACTIVE in my Goal to Be Healthy. But I will not say “In 3 months, I want to be HERE.” That pressure is unnecessary and potentially harmful to my mindset. Especially if I add “I must lose 10 pounds by my Wedding!” Then the journey becomes more about an event, doesn’t it, rather than a Lifestyle Choice. How often does as Bride to Be lose 30 pounds for her wedding only to find it again a year or so later. I’ve done it before. It’s about making lasting lifestyle changes and fixing the bad habits that got me to R.A.H. in the first place.


And here she is. A new mind. A healthier mind. Now trying to get the body to catch up.


This blog will chronicle my very specific diet (Keto) and my loosey-goosey exercise regime (n00b). I will track it with as much scientific evidence as possible (aka All in the Results). I want to monitor my mood, my mindset, my health, my life. I’m doing this for me, because talking about it keeps me going, keeps me excited. And seeing the results so far is thrilling. I’m also doing it because I Believe in Keto. Society needs to keep up with modern research and drop the bogus ‘low-fat’ crap and learn the facts. The government isn’t going to change yet – too much money wrapped up in the corn industry and low-fat craze. So adding another personal experience blog to the mix will just help build the scientific database for it and maybe, eventually, marketing will catch up.

That’s my long intro. No one’s reading and I’m very okay with that!