Whoosh

Eating more calories seemed to have helped. Dropped 3 more pounds. 31 pounds down!

Doctor is super proud and told me to keep doing what I’m doing. 🙂 /chuffed.

I’m eating more calories, but I’ve also dangerously upped my carb intake to between 30-50g on some days. Slowly weaning back on to them. I couldn’t be arsed with paleo/primal, mainly because I don’t crave fruit or tubers, but it’s good to know it’s an option if I get bored. So I’m just going to Keto and maybe go a bit crazier on my sauces, allow more tomato based foods when I fancy them, or indulge in low carb pita breads for pizzas. I’ve mainly just been eating loads of veggies without care.

I tried, for about 30 minutes, to cut back on cheese but no meal would come to me. So I made low-carb pita pizza. Opposite spectrums… I might try again after we do a grocery shop and have more options.

In the end, Keto or not, as long as I’m making the right choices, I’m happy. I can’t imagine eating a bowl of pasta, with a side of garlic bread, and cake to finish: I’d feel cheated out of nutrients – where’s my heaping serving of vegetables?! [Similar to my anger towards iceberg lettuce.] I won’t be counting carbs or calories during the 2 week weddingmoon. I will, through habit and preference, avoid refined carbs in my food choices, but I’m okay with going off Keto for a bit. Exercise/cardio levels will increase by 1000% anyway.

 

In more somber news, my little sister was just admitted to the ICU for diabetic ketoacidosis. She’s 21 and been Type 1 since she was 4? 6? Young. Since her teenage years, she’s been living in this “I’m the victim” mentality and trying to get her to take care of herself has been next to impossible. She also had Graves’ disease and just stubbornly hates taking a pill everyday so… she doesn’t. *I* take 14 pills a day, everyday and I don’t even have to, but that’s where her “Victim” identity comes in.

Anyway. I’ve been so angry at her for the past month because she was doing better – taking her medication, testing her blood sugar, eating healthy, cutting back on diet pop – and then she got addicted to Black Ops. My mom and I have had to sit by and suffer (I’ve lost a lot of sleep thanks to her screaming obscenities at 12 year old boys), and worry about her health. She stays up for nearly days on end, with almost no sleep. She sliced the tip of her fucking finger off at work and still didn’t see the stress she was putting on her body. I don’t even want to talk about what she’s been eating and drinking…

Well, today it finally sent out an SOS. Her pump stopped working and we don’t know for how long, only that she didn’t fix it when she fucking said she did. Mom took her to the ER tonight while I was at work and they are slowly trying to stabilise her labs.

I’m so angry. Angry because she’s so fucking stupid and careless. Angry because I’m scared. Angry because I try to no avail. Angry because in the end, it’s up to her. I can only hope that this is one Giant Fucking Wake Up Call to her. Get out of the “I’m Invincible” mindset and start TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF before it’s too late. And no, it’s not just because you’re diabetic, or have Graves, and ‘boo hoo it’s so unfair on me’ — EVERY ONE needs to CARE about what shit they put in their body! I finally started caring. finally stopped binge drinking and eating unhealthfully. I do it because I’M HUMAN, not immortal, and everyone, disease or not, needs to be mindful of what they do to their bodies. Take action before it’s too late…

Ugh.

Bed time. I’m sure my stress levels aren’t helping with my stalled weight loss…

 

ForHealthxx

 

 

Cheating

Well, it happened. I had an unplanned cheat. I went to my Uncle’s 60th, I took the toppings off the pizza crust and piled my plate with salad. But then the wine… oh, the wine, oh the calories. OH THE HANGOVER. I never felt so terrible as I did waking up on Saturday. I knew I was a bit drunk, but I’ve been worse, so I was not expecting the Hangover from Hell. I even had to leave work early. But by the evening, I was better. I still ate Keto despite my carbic oversight the night before. And most importantly, I Did Not Beat Myself Up About It.

Sunday I had my awesome British Tea Party themed Bridal Shower, thrown by my bestest, awesomest friend Lindsey. Seriously, she NEEDS to be a party planner. Everyone raved about how fun and clever it was. She is an absolute star! I had a phenomenal day.

Crazy Hats

Crazy Hats: Aunt, Mom, Me, Aunt, Aunt

 

My old boss, who is DARLING, drove all the way to Detroit to a Scottish bakery to buy cakes: she didn’t know I was low-carbing, bless her. Not to mention it was a tea party which meant biscuits and scones. So for my special day, I ate carbs! Lots.
I did make some awesome Keto Cheesecake Cupcakes

I did make some awesome Keto Cheesecake Cupcakes

So did my mom. We were so sleep by the time we got home, we went for naps. I woke up STARVING. Absolutely STARVING which is so rare for me. My mom got us McDonalds to end our Cheat Day. I didn’t count calories all weekend. I felt bloated and sleepy. I didn’t exercise.

I woke up this morning fully expecting the backlash on the scale. I was prepared and OKAY with it. It’s not that I want to be gaining weight or become ‘okay’ with cheat days, I just want to give myself a break every now and then. Plus the wins and losses, the ups and downs, are what the journey is about. It’s about being okay with making mistakes or slipping up for a day or a week, and then Getting Right Back On It. Having the strength to not say, “Well, I’ve already fucked up this weekend, might as well just give up” is important to my mindset; because that’s what I would say back in the day.

Anyway, the scale? 2 Pounds. I “gained” two pounds. (I don’t start calling it a gain until it’s 5 pounds, 2+ days in a row). So colour me Amazed. It’s nice to know for September, when/if I decide to go crazy when Matthew’s here, which I probably will. But as long as I stay down until my Wedding, what happens a week after that I won’t stress about.

To jump back into Ketosis, I’ve decided on a Cream Cheese Fat Fast. Weirdly enough, cream cheese has been the most delicious and easiest thing for me to eat these past few weeks. So either 8oz a day, or a little less if I want to throw in some bacon or a Fat Bomb. I will try to keep my calories below 1000 but I plan on being more strict about the 90% Fat ratio, which I wasn’t strict about last time. I might do 2 or 3 days, haven’t decided.

I’m most excited to having energy again. I’m heading out to do some Fasted Cardio for the first time in almost a week! Then I’ll go back later tonight for some weights. I’ve done a complete 180 from earlier this month: I used to HATE cardio, and obsess over weights. In the past few weeks, I’ve focused on cardio, and slacked on weights. Bah! Stupid self.

“I may not be there yet,

but I’m closer than I was yesterday.”

 

In wedding news, ONE MONTH until I get to be with Matt again. We’ll have been apart for seven months. And it will be the longest we ever have to go again without being together. I will have to say goodbye one more time, but it won’t be for long.

I sent out the invites, had my bridal shower, got hotels sorted, most important DisneyMoon stuff organised, dress going in for alterations… It’s just bits and bobs now towards the end. Although I do need to make a new list: one that points out the Little Stuff I keep forgetting to remember…

 

Right. I’m off. I shall report back with how the Fat Fast went. Hopefully smoother than last time…… Hah. GOOD LUCK to you as well! Speak soon.

 

ForHealthxx