Forgive Me, Body, For I Have Sinned

It’s been five days since my last confession. And this one is a doozy.

It’s been a rough week. The closer I get to seeing my fiancé, the harder it gets being away from him. You’d think I’d be mostly giddy that we only have just over 3 weeks to go, but instead I find myself getting depressed and frustrated.

I’m finishing up the last details for the wedding, stressing constantly about expenses. I went and got my dress fitted – [which cost $80! The dress cost $99, what the hell!] – and found out I lost another Inch. That’s 4 inches total, gone in 2 months. I should be happy! Instead I’m annoyed. I keep bouncing between the same 3 pounds. Been stalled around here for over two weeks and I’m going manic, just to add to wedding stress. I also got the smallest paycheck EVER yesterday and that depressed the shit out of me.

I’ve been realising that I need to force myself to get at least 1400 calories each day. I average maybe 1000 and have been like that for a month. I eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full. That’s it. And that’s good! Or least miles from where I’ve been before. But it’s been suggested that at least adding 3 “high” calorie days to my week could help my stall. I get my vitamins and nutrients, not a doubt. I hit my macros. I just need to eat more.

So that’s where it started. I abandoned my Fat Fast ideas because caloric intake is NEVER my problem, and nor is my fat intake. I’ll still sit and eat cream cheese (because I prefer to have more fat than protein each day), but I don’t need ONLY cream cheese. I realised that when I go out to eat at a restaurant, I eat more than I do when I eat at home. Going out to eat is newly appealing to me for this reason.

Friday. Friday is where it went all wrong. It started well enough: I went to hang out with a good friend. I ate a tiny bit, but kept my carbs super low because I knew I was going to drink. I got there and had half a bottle of wine. His boyfriend brought us Subway and I hoovered my spinach salad (so good!) and that was it. Having a good time, feeling proud of my control, until — I had one (strong) hit of weed. That’s all I had because I do it so incredibly rarely (a few times a year) that I didn’t want to lose control.

Welp. I did. Self-control blown straight out the window. It started with an innocent handful of sweet & salty kettle chips. Then another. Then I ate half a bag of white cheddar popcorn. Because I get high so rarely, I never learned how to control the fucking munchies.

Not so bad right? I mean, all in all, I could at least use the calories and it was probably less carbs than I ate at my bridal shower a week ago…

Yeah. Then I drove home and saw Taco Bell. “I need the calories,” I thought. Crunchwrap, soft taco, chips and cheese. BUT DON’T WORRY – I made sure I ordered Diet Pepsi! It was delicious, but I have been wracked with guilt for 24 hours now. I felt like hell waking up. I’ve been bloated all day. I’m just the biggest Saddo ever!! I’ve been irritable and anxious and I know some of that is psychological. I gained 2 pounds – guess that’s my standard gain the first day after carbs.

I’ve eaten very well today but still came in low on calories (1000). I’m already at 23g of carbs for the day and I just had my big dinner so I don’t think I’ll be able to choke down any more food tonight. I’m going out to eat tomorrow with my friend (who’s trying to eat healthier as well, yay) so I hope I can hit 1400.

I have my next doctors appointment on Thursday. If I can lose 4 pounds by then I’ll be okay. I need to talk to her about my Period That Never Ends. I plan on researching about Paleo Primal this week. If doctor doesn’t have any fixes or suggestions for it, then I’m going to switch over to Paleo (or Primal which is paleo with cheese). I heard a lot of girls do it to avoid exactly what I’m dealing with. I love Keto and I will happily go back to it after the honeymoon, but I have ABSOLUTELY GOT to sort this bullshit out for at least those 2 weeks. Plus, I already plan on eating some carbs and kind of relaxing on the diet for the honeymoon. We’ll be active enough anyway…

I feel like I need to remind myself of the GOOD things I’ve accomplished. Yesterday, before the CARBOCIDE, I took a photo and was relatively amazed at the lighting – my face looks so svelte:

Difference?

So I was/am feeling good about that picture. But I know it’s smoke and mirrors, but when I put it next to a face shot from April I think, maybe it IS noticeable..

I have lost 28 pounds. That’s good. I’m stuck but I’m NOT 28 pounds heavier, and I’m not gaining.

I lost 4 inches. Although I do think I put an inch back on last night.

I crave healthy food (when I’m not under the influence of anything). I actually find it difficult to think of ‘carb’ meals I want to make at home, simply because I don’t crave them.

When I research Paleo/Primal I’m going to have to be very specific with my meal plan. If I start on August 18th, then 2 weeks to get into the groove and be strict, then 2 weeks to do whatever I like.

Right. I’m still so angry at myself. I’m angry at everything. It’s just been a bad day and I need to just go to bed and start over again tomorrow. I felt SO GOOD on Thursday and in two days, lost all that pride I had in myself… Sigh.

ForHealthxx

The Carb-Up

For various reasons, I decided to have a carb meal. As I’ve written before my weight loss has slowed down and I just wanted to play with different stall-burst ideas.

Now, if you don’t care to receive too much information involving the female body, I urge you to cease reading this paragraph: Basically, since I started Keto just over one month ago, my shark week has turned into shark month. And this is after 4 years of virtually no periods (thanks to my birth control). I’ve been reading obsessively on /r/xxketo and many girls report the same problems, because quite obviously, we are messing with our hormones. Not limited to reduced insulin, we are also burning fat stores constantly in Ketosis (it’s our fuel!) and fat stores oestrogen. Thus, the burning releases extra oestrogen into the body.

Anyway. So I’ve been stressed with money, my family is crazy, the wedding/honeymoon, so I broke down and grabbed a McDonalds. It was only after very careful calculation (on their meal builder website) to find the best option – I still wanted high calories, lots of protein and fat as I don’t have a sweet tooth. So I got a Daily Double meal and ate 74g in one sitting. It was delicious. My stomach was okay. I did feel warmer – almost as if I could feel my stomach digesting it? Could be in my head. I got hungry. I ate that at 3:00pm; I can usually go hours and hours without food, but got hungry rather quickly and that annoyed me. I’ve had a dull headache since about 5pm yesterday.

Finished work at 10pm and still hadn’t had any adverse reactions, other than hunger. Still tested positive for ketones in urine, but I know that’s not always the most accurate reading at this stage so I didn’t think anything of it. I went to the gym hungry, attempting some form of Fasted Cardio for the day. Spent an hour doing the treadmill, elliptical, and stationary bike. I was feeling okay, but not experiencing the awesome energy levels Fasted Cardio did for me before. 

As soon as I stopped and got home, I crashed. I felt ill. My hunger was so bad it made me sick to my stomach. I got a protein shake in me quickly and ended my day at 90g of net carbs. I went to bed feeling like crap.

I woke up feeling like crap. My body feels stressed (had to take a muscle relaxer first thing this morning). I still have a dull headache.

Still tested positive for urine ketones, but my blood ketones were untraceable so that answers that question:

I’ve successfully kicked myself out of Ketosis. 

Two days ago I was reading at least 1.0 for blood ketones. (0.8 and below means your body is running on sugar/carbs). This morning, I lost half a pound (which I never count but am only noting due to the nature of yesterday). I ate 1,190 calories, which is pretty standard. I’ve actually cut my daily goal down to 1,250. It’s low but I  only ever manage that many anyway so it doesn’t phase me. 

So back on to Keto after that “carb up’! I hope the jolt to my system will kick me back into high gear – sometimes keeping your body guessing is what helps the weight loss. If not, then oh well, I tired. And as always, KEEP UP THE BLOODY CARDIO & WEIGHTS. The all-caps yelling is at myself. 

 

ForHealthxx

 

 

Fasted Cardio

Had my first Fasted Cardio experience and I am exhilarated. Went to the gym around 11:45 am so I had fasted for about 12 hours.

Actually, I forgot when I woke up at 9 and ate a Babybel (70 cals). I’m such a breakfast person. But then only had water and coffee. I took my sublingual B12 as well.

My goal was to maintain a heart-rate between 137-165 on the treadmill. Fat-burning area, but still only moderate. When doing FC, you don’t necessarily want to do high intensity. Especially me, who used to have passing out episodes (over 5 years ago) so I’m still conditioned to always be weary of blood sugars n that.

I had the best cardio session of my summer! I went for 40 minutes, with a 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down. Honestly, I usually get bored after 20 minutes of cardio. Sure, I’m sweating, feeling good, but around 15 minutes I start looking over to the weights area or wondering what time it is. Very bad habit I need to break is cutting my cardio. So the fact that I did 50 minutes on the treadmill is awesome for me.

Did a usual warm up, no incline but moderate pace. After 5 minutes, I upped my incline and kept it at a 5 for 25 minutes. My heart rate for most that time was around 150. I’d vary my pace back and forth, but my heart rate went no lower than 140. Then my energy levels just went mental and as I came down to the last 15 minutes, I surged with a speed walk (I don’t jog… yet) on an 8 incline. [I love incline. Reminds me so much of walking through Edinburgh :(]. That took me right to my 5 minute cool down. In that time, I heart rate went up to 175 (endurance level) and I was fine with it. In fact, when I usually do cardio, my heart rate is mostly commonly between 165-180. I felt awesome. I could’ve kept going but didn’t want to push too hard, so I headed home ready for lunch!

According to the treadmill I burned 306 calories. So 236 (damn babybel) of fat stores, supposedly! I’m happy with that.

It felt good to eat 780 super healthy calories in one sitting without feeling ill. I mixed my protein shake (whey and casein) with almond milk. Grilled a burger patty, melted mozzarella on it, put it on a bed of spinach, topped with a whole avocado, and a bit of mayonnaise. Salt and pepper. Macros are currently near perfect (8C,68F,24P) with only 12 net carbs. The casein will probably keep me full through work.

Now I just need to keep my water intake going. Some days I forget and am left trying to drink far too many millilitres in too little time (which as we all know can be dangerous). I have my 700 mL bottle I refill as I go along and I know I should have at least 5 of them each day. I know my coffee and Sparkling Ice counts to water intake as well, but I never include them. I don’t want to get lazy with it. It’s ridiculous how important the RIGHT amount of water is key in health and losing weight. Even when you think you’re drinking enough — YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT.

On my last thought, Mumford & Sons is alarmingly AWESOME to workout to. And this song was the most empowering Cool Down song to ever come on:

ForHealthxx

Ruddy Stalls

Right, okay, my bad: I told myself I’d stopped calling it a ‘stall’. I know it’s just that my body is adjusted to Keto now so the initiation weight loss is done and it’s keeping slow and steady until it figures out the next step… I’m still trying to convince myself it’ll be fine.

I know I’m a million times healthier. And while I don’t lose weight, I don’t gain either. I am 22 pounds lighter. I take my vitamins. I don’t eat junk. That’s the stuff to be proud of. 

In the next two weeks, I’m going to consider a few different things.

1. Exercise. One thing I know I’ve changed in the past 2 weeks is less gym time (as I’ve bitched about in nearly every post) so I’m kicking that into gear again. Even when I wasn’t losing weight in early June, I was feeling so much better just exercising.

2. Intermittent Fasting. I did it once when I wasn’t on Keto and had good success after 2 weeks (17 pounds down before I stopped). I need to organise a doable schedule with work shifts that don’t interrupt my feeds. Or, do 2 day extreme fasts. Many options.

3. Eat More Calories. I’ve already experimented with this once and very weirdly it worked! I worry so much about over eating these days and I’m not sure why because I physically can’t on keto. I track my food on MFP mainly for my macros. Tonight I told myself, ‘Just eat. Go for it. Try the more calories thing again.’ I ate 3 meals and a snack. (These days I average 1.5 meals and a snack). I just let go! Went crazy. Tracked it: Still 200 calories left for the day (meaning I ate 1200). Right, okay, just as well I stayed under becaaaussee….

4. Carb Meals. I’ve read about this. Once a week you allow yourself ONE Carb MEAL. Not carb day! Just meal. Today I realised I ate more carbs than I should – although I still only ate about 40g; I’m rounding up to leave error for those <1g labels. I still would rather eat more calories than have a carb meal. I just don’t want it to be the gateway carbs. Maybe when I’m 50 pounds lighter and feeling more confident about control.

 

So I have some options. I think this week I’ll do 1 & next week I’ll try 2 with an amended 3. I’m reserving 4 for maybe the end of August if I think I’ll need to ease carbs in for Disneymoon. I have a ton of long late work shifts this week so IF would be tricky but,

It will be easy for working out – my gym is 24/7. I’ll go back to doing weights Mon, Wed, Fri, but not be lazy like before and skip cardio on my inbetween days! I really want to try Fasted Cardio –  Get up at a decent time before work, and walk on the treadmill for 30-60 minutes before I eat. Then after work on Mon, Wed, Fri nights I can do my weights once I’ve had a snack (another reason why IF would be tricky this week). The hard part will be getting my ass out of bed in the morning/before work. I am not a… Get Out of Bed Person. But I need routine more than anything these days. 

I really want to do IF! I’ll have to wait until Thurs/Fri to see what my work schedule is like and plan a decent “Feed Time’ around it. The hardest part would be picking a window where I can eat (i.e. not at work with only a 15-30 minute break to eat!) but also allows me energy for lifting. I have read that people do allow themselves a protein shake if they need it during the Fast Time. I also, adding in an amended 3, want to make sure that I eat 1,200 in that feed time.

As you can see, a lot to sort out. This week is not ideal for an extended IF. I may possibly do a 2 day extreme IF: Fast 23 hours, Eat 1000+ keto calories in 1 hour.

I definitely need to do a bit more research on Fasted Cardio. I know it’s awesome for fat burning, but I don’t want to destroy my muscles either!

Okay. If I have any hope of doing anything before work tomorrow, I must to bed.

 

ForHealthxx